bikes and gravel

Cautiously peddling towards
the house beyond the paved road,
the house every mother had
warned their brave children about,

I felt my stomach crawl up
towards my throat and sit, brooding,
rumbling like an angry cloud.

We stopped shy, picked blackberries
and licked our chops hungrily.

This was my first rodeo.

everything

these are lyrics from a song on Kevin Smith that have meant a lot to me as i've prepared for this weekend and what it celebrates. this is the same guy who wrote the song tonight that we sang over Advent, and i think he writes lyrics in a way not a lot of people do. you should check him out.

Everything

Feel the mystery in this simple bread:
God would let me set a crown of pain upon his head
I’ve lived enough to know I’ll never understand
How he could trade the nails for mercy scars on either hand
His mercy scars his feet and hands

You were courage,
You were afraid;
A warrior on his victory parade
You, the thief that steals to give
The guiltless dies so that the traitor lives
You were God and You were free--
You were broken and poured out for me

And the shocking truth held within this cup:
God laid down to let me raise a hand and spill his blood
His word all along, His love over all-
The unassailable broke bread and cup to break my fall
His love for me was over all

You were heaven made of clay
The lead and author of this play
You the master, You play the fool
Fulfill the law to break the mortal rule
You were God and You were free
You were broken and poured out for me
Just for me...

Your eyes smile with no remorse
As you take my enemies by force
You the lover, more than friend,
You take my breath away with my sin
You are God and You are free-
You are everything I need

There Will Be Vader

A Gift for those who loved both There Will Be Blood and The Star Wars Trilogy.

so i had this dream...

i'm trying to think how to best get into this dream... it was one or the most vivid dreams i've had in a long time. i was in a house, though i'm not sure who's, and i was with my room mate andrew and peyton and eli manning, which is really weird, namely because i would not waste a deuce on either manning, let alone give two (guess that makes me conservative). but for some reason, andrew, peyton, eli and i were hanging out at this house. there were other people too, though i don't remember who.

so anyway, at one point, i'm walking outside with some people, and al of the sudden these people come out and just take people away. it was very much like the Others in LOST--it was like they came out of nowhere and just took people away. soon after that happened, i would wake up (in the dream), start walking around the house, and it was the exact same scenario, but with the people missing. picture groundhog's day, but where the previous day's happenings had effect on the day, but only i knew that it happened. (oooh--did anyone watch daybreak? that show with Taye Diggs that showed after LOST during early season 3? it was just like that. i loved that show.)

so i start investigating this phenomenon in my dream...i'm asking people questions about things, and people just start getting snatched away from inside the house as well as outside. these Others are taking people at will. i try doing other activities, but sooner or later, we end up in this situation where someone is to get ganked and i know it. at one point, i'm outside in this area where there are steps going up towards this green garden area, and the Others come out, and they have guns, but i know them from somewhere... i start asking them why they're taking people, and they just talk to each other and to hidden others in military talk as the take yet another person from my dreams, and soon after i wake up in my bed again (still in the dream).

so at this point in the dream, i start getting the feeling that some of the people around me know why they're getting taken and aren't telling me. i distinctly remember at one point i'm in a kitchen/dining area in the house, and i'm talking to peyton and eli about these people getting taken, and how i'm looking through the house for them, cause i know they're around. at as we're talking, ANOTHER ELI WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR! and i'm like what the heck! they look at each other, like oh crap! the gig is up!, and all three of them bolt with Others coming out of the shadows to protect them. these people in my dream know what's going on and they won't tell me! (even more than before, the mannings are on my bad list. i'm glad they didn't go to LSU.)

so now i'm waking and interrogating people, threatening them even, so i can figure out whats going on. and people are starting to see that i'm aware of the fact that a larger conspiracy is building against me, and they're turning on me to save their neck. as soon as i confrot people about it, they escape away with other Others, and i'm yelling "why are you doing this?!?" i remember at one point i go outside and i'm in that garden area with a 6 foot bo staff or something, swinging it around, threatening the Others to come get me. but they won't.

even andrew turned out to be in on it. we were talking and i just looked at him and said, "who are these people? why do they work in shifts to trick me....are you in on this?" Andrew smiled and said something to the effect of "they're watching you all the time." thanks, andrew.

wildly, i woke a few times in the night, and went back to sleep into the dream again (i love when that happens).

i'm not going to analyze this or seek a meaning... but i do think some of this stuff would have made a great pilot on ABC. OK, maybe not ABC...the WB?

LOST brackets ?!?

check it out.

while these brackets aren't as entertaining as the show is, i still think it's cool.

Sayid vs. Locke. I'd pay to see it.

any thoughts on LOST recently? like how about that desmond-centric episode? i've watched it 7 times and each time it's better.

wisdom

When wisdom cries out,
the streets ring
with the timbre of your voice.

She sounds like you.

Whispers dropping alms,
echoing leftovers of Solomon.

Simple ones often
simply listen, finding more than
simple words.

My poverty begs towards
this mumbling absence,
ears cupped,
straining to catch any
offered change.

Cloudless, prowling thunder.

I listen with my head to the ground,
well within its grasp,

afraid to breathe
too loud.

Fearing sound,
knowing that my simple silence
may bring it near.

about post secret...

just a word on the Post Secret project i link to the left. Kari left a message about the content of the site, and i do apologize if any of you got more than you were bargining for when you clicked on the link. post secret is a community art project started by Frank Warren. its origin story is quite fascinating, and the entire project presents some interesting ideas on ideas like confession, community, secrets, and art. this site is by no means Christian or promoting things of the faith, but obviously has elements very close to the heart of the Christian faith.

i think it raises some interesting ideas on the place of confession, especially confession within community. this community of artists, confessors and (admittingly) voyeurs really struck a chord with me when i saw their traveling art exhibit at UK last year. i've bought the books, given some away even, due partially to my awe at the mix of artistic expression and raw honesty, and partially because i want to see things like this in the community of which i'm a part.

so maybe this is a positing post: where do (or should) confession and community intersect for the church?

i apologize for any material posted on the post secret website that catches you off-guard, but i hope you see why i think it's a thought provoking art project. i'm keeping the link up, though i'll tag a little warning on it. if you go there and it stirs up stuff you want to dialog about, comment freely!

snow makes me cold

i have this weird relationship with snow. i like to play in it. i like to make snowballs and throw them in a snowball fight. i like the way it makes the rolling hills in central kentucky look when covered with snow. i like watching bojangles antelope-sprint through it, with the snow on his doggy nose.

i do not like shoveling snow. i do not like having to run my car for an hour to get it to thaw out. i do not like how no mater how i try to protect my feet from the wet/cold, they always end up wet and cold. i do not like how my honda civic becomes a death trap when snow is near.

so, right now i have this weird tension with snow, and i don't know how to resolve it. and everywhere i go, there's snow, so it's hard to avoid. i don't want to pretend we don't have issues, but i don't know if anything will ever change...

in this silence

In this silence,
I find my heart asking
for what I sometimes fear:

for You to bring Your death
to what is now not me
anymore.

My cowering darkness
clings to this
lack of talk,

knowing that when You speak
it has no where to go,
no where to run.

My will betrays my fears,
praying haphazardly
for Your violent words;

words that can make
an apple pie from scratch
now threatening to make something new

out of me.

musings of late...

"When God created man in His own image and likeness, it was so he would have a life as similar to God's as possible." --Andrew Murray, Covenants and Blessings

I've been thinking a lot on this statement lately. While I'm in no place to really expand on my thoughts right now, the more I read this statement, the more profound it becomes. Andrew Murray continues to be one of my favorite writers, and I've read the introduction to this book about five times. I'm not ready to move past it yet because I don't think it's sunk in.

I'm attending lectures and workshops at Asbury this month--the topic is "A Movement into Mystery: Modern Psalms and Psalmists." We're looking specifically at recent American Poets (the teacher's speciality) and their writings as a means of spiritual pilgrimage, and at poetry and psalm writing as both a discipline and a needed component of wrestling with the mystery of God. The first night really ignited some interesting things in me, bringing a lot of dormant creativity out of its cave. Strangely enough, we've been writing psalms in our Thursday night bible study every once in a while for the past year. We've talked and are now preparing to launch a blog for our church called Psalms of Hope--a place where people in our community can post their own writings as well as read the thoughts and struggles that shine through other's psalms. I've really never tried anything like this, so I don't know how this will result, but every time we've written things in our bible study, people both see things on paper about their own heart that they didn't know were around, and are blessed in the readings and thoughts of others. SO--check it out.