love written, poverty and other stuff

again, i don't know if this is my outlet or if anyone is reading this, but i'm going to get this out bit by bit...

1. i've become very intregued by the movement "to write love on her arms". one, there are some rockers tied to this that initially drew me to it--jon foreman, dustin kensrue just to name two. but i was introduced to it on SL--i was at a christian site there, and there was a twloha t-shirt for sale that i bought because the phrase was so damn magnetic. Leave it to me to wear something that communicated something i had no insight on (hence why i never wear christian t-shirts; well, that and they're usually cheesy and usually are undermined by the wearer). but as i started looking into it, i was all the more captured by the story and motion of it all. twloha is about creating dialogue about depression, creating hope for the down and especially for those who have turned to self-mutilation as an outlet for their pain, their hurts, their life. i've met my share of cutters, and have met even more in SL, and to stand, to love, to offer hope is one of the most essential tasks involved in helping people out of the hole of depression.

here's a link to the story that started it all:

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=61976377&blogID=96896737

now, i feel a real burden for this topic, part of it because i've wrestled with my share of depression, and i know the hope that heals, that sets free, and that is closer than the hopeless recognize. i think i'm going to try to go to phila for the benefit tour. i'd love to get into the movement somehow, but i'm unsure how as of now...

2. while ordering my twloha t-shirt (haha--yes, i'm one of those), they also sold a shirt with the word rescue written in hindi. i ordered it too. partially because it looked so damn cool, and partially because i feel like i have a heart tie with india. i, much like jon bailes often has, blame Caedmon's Call. their "share the well" album sparked something in my heart for india--when i think about that nation, my first thought is always "i want to go there and plant churches". last year at passion, i decided to pursue going to plant churches and reach unreached people groups with the hope of Christ. when is a big question: i know my time at hope is purposed, and i know that i have to get an m.div to be considered a somebody by most mission organizations worth their weight. so i'm planning on starting seminary at asbury theological in the winter, and i'm going to focus on missions and church planting as much as possible. but this india thing popped back up when i saw the t-shirt: i'm honestly not sure where to start with it either. but it's there, and i'm starting to look at it more seriously...

3. every time i look at the possibilities of going overseas, or even think about what it means to prepare to do so, i always think: i have too much. i've said casually to a couple of different friends on a couple of different occasions that i think i'd be fine living poorer--even taking a vow of poverty. rich mullens always inspired me in that way (ok, in lots of ways). but i don't know what it would take, or if its me just being idealistic or egotistical or if this is really something worth looking at...but its come up again in my heart. i'm in a 9 month lease as of now, and there's a part of me that wonders if when it's done, i should try to get a small cheap place in a poor part of town and try to live off of much less than i do now. one thought i had was to have a group of people i entrust my finances to and let them decide what happens with the excess. rich always lived off the average income for a person where ever he was living. i don't know...i'm just thinking out loud. something to look into i guess. but its weird. i don't have a whole lot of people i'm telling this to, but i would ask you to pray about these things and offer insight as you get it...

and the new DCB is money.

just some thoughts

what does it mean to get lost in You?
or to lose myself in You?

being lost can envoke panic
a frantic search for safety in the supermarket
the amusement park
or any other overwhelming reality we find ourselves in.

it's recognizing my surroundings as unfamiliar
to lose all sense of direction
in a stare of dizzy confusion

it's not a helpless place
it's a teachable one

but i'm not getting lost--
I'm losing myself
to choose to be lost
to throw yourself into this compass-less adventure
not knowing what or when
or if

the risk is there
unfilled pages
looming with electricity
where anything is possible
(for those who believe, that is)

and You are my destination.

strange
--to lose myself in a person i know
mystery and familiarity dance
a five beat waltz
awkwardly together

maybe that's why i hesitate to jump in
i never dance well

getting lost in a person is much more intimidating
than a place can ever be
for i've been lost in losts of places
and i've always made it back
home

being lost in You holds no promise of that

and still...
the familiar loses its intregue
the known holds no challenge
no adventure
no hope
no food to fill the belly
hungry for what's just out of reach

getting lost in a place threatens us with these things
the foreign can become native
leaving the gap between what I know
and who You are
still wanting

Lord, why do I let You become familiar
robbing you of the mystery and glory that
continues to call me
into lostness?

when i lose my life, i'll find it
if i continue to be a loser,
who knows what i'll find?

perhaps what i am looking for